Vent - My Mother (and her generation?)

NewShadow

Pure vent. Nothing to see here...

My mother just really !!!!ed me off.

I need to vent or I'm going to say something really mean.

And I love her, and I respect her, and I think she's fab so don't want to hurt her feelings. You understand I hope?

What happened

She forwarded me a link to this article - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-20044862

Fine, she's not noticed it's from 2012, it's a shocking proposal that I wouldn't support (and never commented on), and it's trending at the moment with lots of inflammatory comments on both sides.

I work for 'the government', so I'm used to her sending me vaguely offensive emails blaming me for the ills of the world. (FTR I organise meetings for a living! How much power does she think I have, really? I could not order enough coffee... the entire economy might collapse!)

The the thing that got on my wick a phrase in her email:

"my generation have never asked for or received one day of any benefit whatsoever and were encouraged in fact had to get a week end job from 13."

Great, so 'it's the fault of the young' is it? We're all lazy scroungers?

Because some old bloke (of 'her' generation) decided to make a stupid suggestion...

Well, at least I can use punctuation!

This is the thing.

It's not just this random, out of the blue email after a !!!! day doing unpaid overtime.

(Some)'Older People' make a hobby of (unsolicitedly) bashing the 'young' and blaming 'us' for the state of the economy... and the awful amount of interest their premier account is achieving at the moment... and the forecasted value of their fully mortgage free house that they're looking to sell to move in with their new 'toy boy'. (Not thinking of any particular old person, of course - and he is really lovely and adores her.)

She's my mum.

I grit my teeth, go away to dig out my copy of Logan's run, and try not to point out the free education, cheap houses, and final salary pensions. Oh, and the point that I also had a job from 14 and didn't get paid or pocket money for it (working for her and my StepD).

But honestly *tiny violins*

Her generation never claimed a penny from the system; paying in and slaving away from the tender age of 13 until they were finally able to get their meagre and pitiful state allowance (not benefit!).

~Really?~

Admittedly, the state pension isn't great, and she was 'forced' to wait a couple of extra years than she was 'promised' - Maybe it'll be better by the time I retire at (probably) 75-80. That's assuming the state pension even exists by then, of course.

But it was a tough time in the 70s and 80s. I can get that.

Maybe having no student loan helped? Plus the free granny child care, free driving lessons/car, granddad finding her a job via 'work contacts' right after she graduated with her 'free degree'.

But to be fair, the mid-70s were a tough time to be starting a family.

Lucky, I guess, that she was given that lump sum by her parents to buy their first house - It was really expensive at £8000. I can't get how someone could ever have afforded to buy a house at prices like that without parental help.

But at least when she had us kids the market had increased so she and dad could buy the next one at £45,000 with 'only' a £20,000 mortgage.

I understand interest rates were really high there for a while I guess.

Must have been tough. Especially with two young kids - though (I can't say luckily) inheriting my great-grandmother's house helped pay that off.

Footloose and mortgage free at 40 - living the dream and not a dole cheque in sight!

Maybe she was right

Is it all "my generation" being selfish and !!!!less and eating up the benefits that should pay for her pension for the rest of her (hopefully long and healthy) life?

The bitter part of me says "her generation" introduced student loans, kept their lump sums, were too busy 'traveling' to babysit, and are using the 'inheritance' to fund retiring at 55!

I look back at the state of the economy, and I wonder how people of "my generation" managed to have so much power that we passed all these laws she's angry about? Given the average age of MPs elected at the 2015 General Election is 50.

But, ignoring the little green monster, is the basic premise accurate?

Let's see... "My" generation compared to "hers."
(all figures ONS labour market surveys)

Well, She was born 1951, so about 25 in the mid 70s, and around 40 at the end of the 80s.

That was the period of the highest (ever) recorded levels of unemployment.

During the 80s there was record 12% unemployment and it stayed around 10% for nearly 10 years!

Compare that to the last 15 years - 2000 to 2015 (obviously no figures for 2016 yet).

Unemployment was around 5 - 6% between 2000 and 2008. between 2009 and 2013 it stayed between 7.6% and 8.1% and then dropped back down to between 4 - 6%.

From 2000 to 2015 the average unemployment rate was 6%.

From 1975 - 1990 the average was 7%.

(That's about 300,000 extra people unemployed.)

Unemployment is currently around 5% (which given the average since records began in 1971 was 7.5%, isn't bad!).

I mean, she could be talking about youth unemployment, but oddly the percentage of young people unemployed now is actually roughly the same as it was in 1984 (c.20% of the total).

Which given the number of young people has gone down (proportionally), and there's been a big increase in the numbers staying in education or going vocational, I'm not sure it means much.

Seriously though...

Fundamentally the numbers haven't changed much - there are about the same proportion of unemployed people as there were back then.

About the same proportion are probably 'lucky' enough to get a lot of parental help, about the same probably have a stick of entitlement the size of mount fiji up their bottoms, and about the same are probably scraping and striving and doing their best to make good for their families.

I get this Lord Bichard is a prat. I get you're angry at him.

Why's that always my fault?

• Why can't "your generation" accept your pension contributions have already been paid back to you in the lump sums your parents gave you?
• Why can't you accept you're now living off "my" taxes?
• Why can't you accept (the good news) that you're living longer than anyone expected?

• I didn't expect you to pay my uni fees.
• I didn't expect you to pay for my driving lessons.
• I didn't expect you to help me find a job.

• I don't expect a lump sum from you if I ever do manage to earn enough to afford a mortgage.
• I don't expect you to live your life around my domestic needs.
• I don't expect to ever inherit anything from you.

• I don't expect to ever receive a state pension.
• I don't expect to ever retire.
• I don't expect to you to respect my job.

• I do expect you to respect me.
• I do expect to be there should you ever need looking after or somewhere to live.
• I do expect people to broadly remain people and for society stay at broadly the same level of brokenness.

Is that really so unreasonable?

• (I don't expect anyone to have read this far...)

Stats bring catharsis.

Now to the sweet arms of sleep... oh to awake in the morn to a new day of work.

Nick123321

*sings circle of life by Elton John*

Immigrants... It's got to be them...

Or

!!!!!exuals...

Or

The politicians... Tony Blair, wait, David thingy, no no no it's that Hilary Benn in 2020 that ruined it all.

I have similar fueds in my family. I struggle on avoiding pointless accusations which cause nothing but stress and tension.

Don't worry. That generation will be dead in 25 years. Your generation can take their place. Then 40 years after that my generation will take your place.

We'll all blame the young ones. Tony Blair and the immigrants.

*continues singing circle of life by Elton John*

PeacefulWaters

You'll miss her when she's gone.

thorsoak

Ok - I'm of the same generation as your mother - what do you want me to do? Jump off the bridge right now?

We can't apologise for the fact that we were born when we were, for the attitudes that we learned from our parents, for having to fight for equality with men, there is no point in apologising for having lived the lives that we have lived - we all only have one life and must live it the best we can.

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

Ok - I'm of the same generation as your mother - what do you want me to do? Jump off the bridge right now?

We can't apologise for the fact that we were born when we were, for the attitudes that we learned from our parents, for having to fight for equality with men, there is no point in apologising for having lived the lives that we have lived - we all only have one life and must live it the best we can.

You don't need to apologise, but every now and then an acknowledgement that some things were in fact easier for the baby boomer generation would go a long way! Some things were harder, some things have definitely changed for the better, and we are still having to fight for equality, its not fully arrived yet!

Grumpelstiltskin

I sometimes wonder if younger women realize how far things have come in the last 50/60 years.


Firstly contraception, how difficult it was to even get the pill if you weren't married. Contraception is taken for granted these days. ( Although if you watch Jeremy Kyle you wouldn't believe this )


Secondly I worked for the government late 60's early 70's and I know what a fight there was to get permission for a woman to wear a trouser suit to work.

pollypenny

Your mother obviously came from a very wealthy family if they could afford to give her £8000 for her house! And that would have been a mansion in South Wales.

Most of us struggled to save the 10% deposit for our £3,500 houses, which came with a sink unit in the kitchen, a fireplace in the living room and a garden like something from Passchendale 1917!

Person_one

Grumpelstiltskin wrote: »

I sometimes wonder if younger women realize how far things have come in the last 50/60 years.


Firstly contraception, how difficult it was to even get the pill if you weren't married. Contraception is taken for granted these days. ( Although if you watch Jeremy Kyle you wouldn't believe this )


Secondly I worked for the government late 60's early 70's and I know what a fight there was to get permission for a woman to wear a trouser suit to work.

I wasn't allowed to wear trousers to school until 1999 .

Its definitely true that there are young women who don't realise how much progress was made in the last century and take much for granted, however its equally true that there are older women who don't appreciate how much is still left to do. Domestic violence is still rife (and this government withdrew legal aid for victims), there's still a pay gap, abortion is still illegal in some of the UK.

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

You don't need to apologise, but every now and then an acknowledgement that some things were in fact easier for the baby boomer generation would go a long way! Some things were harder, some things have definitely changed for the better, and we are still having to fight for equality, its not fully arrived yet!

The main thing that was easier for my generation was the amount of work opportunities available and how easy it was to get and change jobs (if you weren't from an ethnic minority or disabled, of course).

The rest is all swings and roundabouts.

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

Your mother obviously came from a very wealthy family if they could afford to give her £8000 for her house! And that would have been a mansion in South Wales.

Most of us struggled to save the 10% deposit for our £3,500 houses, which came with a sink unit in the kitchen, a fireplace in the living room and a garden like something from Passchendale 1917!

And if you were lucky a toilet actually in the house itself instead of across the yard.

NewShadow wrote: »

Admittedly, the state pension isn't great, and she was 'forced' to wait a couple of extra years than she was 'promised' - Maybe it'll be better by the time I retire at (probably) 75-80. That's assuming the state pension even exists by then, of course.

She sounds like she is probably a year older than I am.
And she sounds like she's had a very privileged life (my Mum & Dad could hardly afford to buy their own house, let alone give me £8k to buy my first house outright!) and has a massive chip on her shoulder about younger people.
Are you sure you love her? :rotfl:

NewShadow wrote: »

(Some)'Older People' make a hobby of (unsolicitedly) bashing the 'young' and blaming 'us' for the state of the economy... and the awful amount of interest their premier account is achieving at the moment... and the forecasted value of their fully mortgage free house that they're looking to sell to move in with their new 'toy boy'. (Not thinking of any particular old person, of course - and he is really lovely and adores her.)

I'd be inclined to tell her that if she's not happy about anything to do with the Government to moan to her toyboy or email her MP.

And I'd skim-read any other emails she sent and if they didn't contain anything personal, I'd just delete them.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

The main thing that was easier for my generation was the amount of work opportunities available and how easy it was to get and change jobs (if you weren't from an ethnic minority or disabled, of course).

The rest is all swings and roundabouts.

Yes, I agree that employment was definitely easier to find (and to keep, in most cases) but I'd also argue that the housing situation was much better for the 1945-60 generation. Not just in terms of it being cheaper to buy your own home in relation to average incomes, but also in terms of there being much more council housing available, and not the vast numbers of private landlords of varying levels of professionalism there are today.

There are definitely things that are better now. Anti-discrimination laws, human rights legislations, the minimum wage etc. No time period has ever been perfect and never will be!